Things are pretty good. But I'm quite worried about Ruby these days. As time goes on, I notice how much people continue to ask about Saffren and Willa, even after four and a half years. It's different when you have people notice and ask about two of your girls much more than the third. People randomly stop Saffren in the hall at church to give her hugs. They come tell us how adorable and hilarious Willa is. And they notice Cyrus, because he's adorable and loud and crazy and running around. Jasper has a huge personality that makes waves wherever he goes, and he's the oldest. So people know him.
But who is asking about Ruby? Who is noticing her? Is she getting lost, and she the only one? She is such a gem. She is such a joy. She is so diligent, and sweet, and smart, and strong. But she does it all quietly. She is not showy. And the others are. She is probably trying harder than any of the other kids and getting the least recognition for it. People--even family members--go out of their way to include Saffren and Willa, to make them feel special. Frankly, it sometimes gets sickening how much it still happens. I don't think it's good for the girls. But mostly I wonder, what will be the eventual after-burn from all that for Ruby?
I believe I know how to help her. I am a middle child, too. I know this can all make her stronger. But sometimes I feel her growing more quiet, more nervous, and it breaks my heart a little. She is one of those so-earnest souls who can do themselves in with earnestness if they're not careful. I understand because I was one--but I didn't have the added dose of timidity, or the famous sisters to deal with.
I don't want her to sow seeds of anxiety where none existed before, because of these sisters I brought into her life to overshadow her.
When she draws closer to me for comfort, I wish her sisters could let it happen without plaguing our relationship constantly with comparison and jealousy.
I see all you're doing, Ruby. I notice. I am grateful.
You are my joy. I am your champion.
